When it all sets in...

It's been ages since I last wrote, and it feels as though ages have passed since I started this journey. Technically speaking, it's been four months, but time has a strange pattern of slowing and speeding up depending on your situation and your mental state. I think it finally set in for me in the last few weeks... like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It stopped feeling like a fleeting experience punctuated by thoughts of panic that (in the immortal words of Gob Bluth) "I've made a huuuuge mistake."

I'm actually comfortable here. When I manage to practice what I preach... that whole "gratitude schtick" I find that I've got good friends, challenging and inspiring work and academic opportunities, my health, the support and love of those from home, a nice apartment, and absolutely no reason to not take advantage of all I've stumbled upon. I don't know quite how to describe it, except that I've also made the decision to practice that whole "control schtick" I always blather on to my clients about, meaning I'm making the conscious effort not to worry about what I don't control. Which, let's be honest, is most things. Dammit, I've gone and counseled myself again!

Highlights of the past month or so:

1. "Harvest Night"- I made a pumpkin pie for the first time ever!
2. Lived through my first uneventful Hurricane (Ike).
3. Avoided (by 6 inches) stepping on a copperhead snake in Cameron Park- thanks Shehzad!
4. Broke my toe and inserted the term "sausage toe" into the lexicon of my entire class.
5. Biked on said sausage toe past every conceivable road kill in Texas, allowing for my first glimpse of an armadillo. And don't even get me started on the miniature donkey farm.
6. "Mexican Night"- with the second years, a good time was had by all.
7. "1920s Murder Mystery Night"- dressed all flapper-like, again a good time was had by all. Enjoyed Crystal's rendition of Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade all evening to distract from the fact that she was the murderer.
8. Survived the Motivational Interviewing training I inadvertantly volunteered to be a trainer for.
9. Got a surprise "push up" from the ladies in my group therapy. Some of my favorites: "You allow us to be the individuals we are and not the label we have acquired," "You were the one positive thing that I got out of being in here the first three weeks I was here," "Your kindness, gentleness and genuine concern for us has touched all of our hearts and has made an impact on me that will last a lifetime," "You make us think but we enjoy it," and the classic, "Thank you for being the only counselor that shows up to class every time you should." It was a real struggle for me to find my confidence in leading groups, but I'm glad I stuck with it.
10. After much practice and a stopwatch snafu I'm now authorized to administer the WAIS!! (Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale)
11. San Marcos trip with Crystal was an amazing vacation from Waco and a chance to bond with my friend!
12. Homestead Heritage, where it's pretty much a cult but you eat sweet potato fries and feel like you're at home. Shehzad and I have already set a date to return at Thanksgiving.
13. Crystal's birthday was a success- giant llama cookie and kayaking on the Brazos, you really can't beat that.
14. Oktoberfest with Jack in Dallas before he departed for another "round the world" adventure.
15. Saw the play "Urinetown" with Shehzad, pointing out that I did not have to go pee the whole show!
16. Made macaroons for my professor- got the final cancelled... they were THAT good.
17. "Ratatouille Night"- banana chocolate chip pancakes, pajamas, watching Ratatouille, recipe for relaxation right there.
18. Cinema Paradiso date with Kara, we laughed, we cried, we made tofu tacos.
19. Dr. Pepper Hour- I still can't get over this, every Tuesday afternoon free Dr. Pepper floats for all Baylor students.
20. Monday margaritas with Lex- she drinks, I eat chips, she talks sex offenders, I talk substance abusers. It's weird wind-down from a day of practicum.
21. Swimming, falafels, living room aerobics, frisbee, dancing, singing, and many other random moments that make me wonder how long we can keep up this pace.

I'm ready to admit it... wholeheartedly... I'm a total dork. But luckily there's other dorks here, who are strangely dorky in the same way. I truly, truly never anticipated my graduate school experience this way. I truly, truly resisted a lot of it initially. I truly, truly am grateful for coming to a place of appreciation and acceptance.

I wonder what it will be like to go home for Christmas and see those people and places I haven't for 6 months. But before my mind goes there, I'll make the conscious effort. I can't control it.

"Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it."

-Ralph Marston