Well, there's really no way to describe the last 6 months that I've been remiss in keeping up with this blog. I began thinking about all of the meaningful events and lessons from that period and was overwhelmed by the memories, emotions, and frankly the ridiculousness of it all. So instead of talking about century bike rides and camels and conferences and canoeing and health scares and accidents and substance abusers using sidewalk chalk...
I'll just say that last semester was a roller coaster of wonderful and heartbreaking proportions. For as much as I'd anticipated that learning about psychology would inevitably change the way I look at myself and those around me, I was still taken by surprise. Psychologists are continually fighting the perception that they're always "on duty," such that no matter where they are or who they're with they're constantly analyzing every word, action, and situation. The classic defense is always, "Trust me, I've got better things to do than psychoanalyze you all day!" but in a sense, understanding psychology and human behavior is a bell you can't unring.
What am I saying? I conceptualize human development and behavior in a different way now... and as much as I try not to let it sometimes, it informs my worldview. There has been profound disappointment as a result, mostly in the moments where the quirks and vulnerabilities of the people I love dearly can't help but fit into the frame of defenses and maladaptive relational styles. But there has also been profound calm and clarity in the moments I'm able to see those behaviors and patterns that irritate and haunt me for what they really are: adaptations. I guess it's inspiring, in a way, to be able to see how people have developed into who they are (functionally or otherwise). It's been surprisingly inspiring to see how I've developed into the person I am.
So no, I'm not constantly analyzing my friends and family, but I am finding it necessary to rededicate myself to an appreciation of those quirks and vulnerabilities that I find so attractive and fascinating about people. The perfect example, I met a woman the other day when my friend Sarah and I were laying in the pool. According to Sarah this woman had a bout of encephalitis some time ago and since suffers the problem of severely impaired short term memory ala Dory in Finding Nemo. So this woman, Nancy, introduces herself to us and proceeds to regale us (seemingly without ever stopping to take a breath) with blonde jokes, complaints about her nagging sister, and true tales of her funny interactions with children, for a solid 20 minutes. The coup de gras was a true Texas-ism in which Nancy's sister told her, "You're slower than a herd of turtles in peanut butter!" After she left Sarah informed me that she regularly hears this story each morning as Nancy walks by her house, and indeed Nancy introduced herself and told the turtle story again the following morning.
Nancy has popped into my mind a couple of times and I've found myself chuckling and appreciating her incessant talking and the ease with which this elderly woman delivered crude blonde jokes. I find that I appreciate her not in spite of her quirks, but rather, because of them. Is it always appropriate to strip people of their defenses and maladaptive relational styles in order to allow them the psychologist's stamp of good mental health? I'd argue no. People are so complex, diverse, and rich in their experiences and talents and interests that even a doctorate in psychology can't explain 100% of people 100% of the time. If that were the case, I'd hope to understand my own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors better... ah, to dream the impossible dream.
There's a certain comfort in ignorance, in never ringing the bell of knowledge, in approaching the world from one's own limited perspective.This field is tough. Tougher than I'd expected. Tougher on my own perspectives, and feelings, and relationships than I'd expected. I sure hope it's worth it.
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